alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
