Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
