Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
