just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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