Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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