Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
