i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
