I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
