Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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