I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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