Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
