I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
