take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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