Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
