Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I will be naked everywhere
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
