On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
