Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
