you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
