i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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