I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
