oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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