So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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