this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
