it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
