k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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