A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drake has all the answers
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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