I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
