the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
