3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
