i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had sex on a roof
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
