I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
