hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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