It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
