Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
