come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
