"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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