Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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