they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
