I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
