The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My balls are so social today.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
