did you get engaged???
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
