i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
