Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
