I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
