i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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