i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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