I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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