hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
