Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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