She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
