It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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