Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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