Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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