garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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