is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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