I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
