She's JV to your varsity
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
