i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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