Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sponge bath it is.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
