I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
