an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
