That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
