I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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