My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
