I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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