would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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