I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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