I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
