I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
