Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just invented taco cereal.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
