I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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