Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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