i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
