dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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